luni, 25 octombrie 2010

Livor Mortis

Avenged Sevenfold - Buried Alive
Livor Mortis

I feel the earth
Above, around, inside.
I SCREAM! No creatures from the dirt

I gasp for air
And pound the coffin lid.
MY GOD! I’ve never felt so scared,

It’s cold,
Awareness’s mine,
Then panic.
A chilling terror through my spine:

No hope,
I suffocate,
This cannot happen, PLEASE!
I LIVE, this should not be my fate!
But is…

16 comentarii:

  1. How would you feel if you were buried alive?

    Thank you Walt Jabsco (from for the picture.

    "Livor Mortis" is one of the stages (and signs) of death, and shows in 20min up to 3h after death (to not be confused with rigor mortis).

    The poem is written in Cinquain (I find it very expressive). The format for this type of poem is simple. Each line has a specific number of syllables.
    Line 1 - 2 syllables.
    Line 2 - 4 syllables.
    Line 3 - 6 syllables.
    Line 4 - 8 syllables.
    Line 5 - 2 syllables.

  2. It is amazing that you have found Cinquain very expressive.... it rarely happens and usually this technique was abandoned long ago.
    One question though... on second verse you say that you are in the coffin and you pound it to get out... how do you know that you are livid? do you have a flashlight and a mirror?
    Overall it has a useless dramatism but for a 10 years old kid, you are doing ok.
    carry on!

  3. Im more confused about the suffocating part to be honest. You actually dont suffocate but rather die out of hunger, thirst and/or terror if you have a weak heart.The poem as a whole tries to depict the terror and panic of an awakening individual inside a coffin.Not a bad attempt but a very long way from a decent one.
    Keep it up buddy

  4. Maybe he was burried in an airtight, lead coffin? Suspicious of an infectious disease? Plague?

    1. No way. He says that he feels the earth around, inside.... So there is some dust inside, therefore no airtight coffin... Dooh

    2. What do you mean by "feeling the earth inside"?.Thats sick man.Like 50 shades of grey in a dark and creepy way.

    3. @ Anonim whoever you are: Thank you for making me think about sex in a coffin.Now i'll be haunted by this thought for a while.....

  5. Anyway, he was burried recently because he just starts to feel the suffocation. Maybe shouting would be more efficient...?
    And antother thing... how do you know that it is a "he"? From the attitude, it is more like a "she". Pounding, trembling, screaming, fearing...this is not a man. A man dies in dignity.
    However, it is not bad.

  6. Excuse me, but why are you so sure that he is in a coffin?
    After all, not even him know this. Maybe it is just a shitty prank made by some idiotic friends. much fuss about nothing....

    Nice usage of cinquaine, good job. It's not easy you know?

  7. All in all, i really enjoyed the way he described the terror.He either experienced the thing to be able to describe it or have a very high level imagination.
    He just missed a spot here and there but he managed to give us the chills a bit so giid job about that mate.
    I would really like to encourage you to continue your pastry saga.I meant poetry saga.Sorry...

  8. Really guys, you are all missing the point of this poem.Its not about scientific proofs about the individual inside, whether he can breath or not, whether he's a guy or a girl.He is drawing the attention on the one thing that matters, explaining it beautifully (in my oppinion) - drawing the attention on the first minute of panic and anxiety from the momment the victim awakens and its being conscious of the surroundings.

    @ lol at the guy thinking about sex in the coffin.Now i'm thinking about it too :)

  9. I really don't understand you! All of you!! It is a poem, that is a lyric text explaining some feelings, some thoughts, his most gruesome fears probably.
    Why oh why do you have to comment and dissecate each verse, each word, each letter.
    Just go along with the flow, just feel what he feels and you will understand...
    It is a beautiful poem Lucien, you can be a great writer, don't stop....

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